The Contents of articles include:
- Introduction
- Reasons why our Childs are compared
- Psychology and comparison
- Lasting impacts/ effects of comparison on individuals
- Parents and parenting, alternatives and the right ways
- Final message
1-Introduction:
“Your brother/sister used to do it at your age, why cant you?”
Everyone of us have heard it all our lives, or at least at moments. It sounds small, even harmless to some. But for the one hearing it, especially as a child, it becomes a permanent whisper of inadequacy.
In many families, comparison is used as a way to motivate children so that they can imitate it and get the same results like them. But what it actually does is something far more dangerous, it slowly kills self-worth, the child as an individual loss their self, they then doubt their skill , and in return deeply damages mental health.
2-Reasons of comparison in our everyday life, Why Parents Compare:
Parents often compare with good intentions. They want their child to improve, to do better exactly like others doing. But comparison doesn’t encourage, it weakens.
It makes children feel they aren’t enough as they are. Instead of feeling inspired, they feel defeated, lost, and pressured. Lets dive into what some theorists and psychologists say about it:
3-Psychology and Comparison:
Psychology clearly shows how comparison damages a child’s mental health, firstly lets have a look at Social Comparison Theory by Leon Festinger.
- Social Comparison Theory:
Children start measuring their worth by others’ success, leading to low self-esteem and anxiety, People naturally compare themselves to others to evaluate their own abilities, worth, and success, but when the same done by other in any way leads to bad self image of child.
Here’s another theory about comparison and how it influences a child, which is self concept theory by Carl Roger.
- Self-Concept Theory:
Children build their self-image from how others treat them. When compared often, they lose confidence and start doubting themselves. Children develop their self-concept (how they see themselves) based on interactions with parents and others. - If parents constantly compare their child to others, it negatively shapes the child’s self-image, they begin to believe they are “less than others.”, It harms their self-love, acceptance, and confidence.
- The effects may not show right away, but they last long inside:
4-What Happens to Children Who Are Compared Constantly?
The effects may not show right away, child don’t show reaction instantly but they last long inside:
- Lifelong self-doubt, Fear of failure, Anxiety and stress, Low self-esteem, Sadness or depression, Defected relationships with siblings and others and these symptoms than lead to permanent loss.
5-Positive Alternatives:
If you are a parent reading this, please understand it, you could have more better results rather than comparison. What you actually want? Your child would be Successful Here’s what that could help more:
- Encourage individual growth, not competition: they themselves are best at their own.
- Praise effort, not results, at least they try.
- Recognize every child has a different pace and path: if one could get better result than 6
- Celebrate uniqueness, not sameness: it don’t make any difference if they aren’t smart, they don’t take care of their toys like those of their age mates.
- Offer emotional safety, not silent pressure: ensure them you are here with them then just ignoring when they fall, so that they can get up themselves, why still those traditional ways of parenting bruh?
6-Let Them Be Enough — Just as They Are
I know you may not have meant harm. You probably just wanted your child to do well. But comparison doesn’t inspire, it crushes their self. Accept them as they are, when love don’t comes from home, they try to find it from world, and worldly love never provided benefit to someone.
Next time see your child not for who they “should be”, but for who they already are. At last i would just say:
“Dear parents, parenting is a blessing, enjoy it like a blessing, it won’t take time to be a curse for you and yours!!!”
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